Honesty
Two learned gentlemen, Mr. Weakwit and Mr. Hardcase, engage themselves in an informal discussion concerning the value of honesty.
MR. WEAKWIT: I see that another banker on Wall Street has been convicted of gross wrongdoing.
MR. HARDCASE: Another banker gone astray? That's the ninth one this week.
MR. WEAKWIT: Yes, it's most distressing.
MR. HARDCASE: Well, it's his own damned fault. Everyone knows that bankers need to be extremely careful with their wrongdoing. That fellow wasn't careful enough. He shouldn't have allowed himself to be caught.
MR. WEAKWIT: Is that all you have to say about it?
MR. HARDCASE: What else is there to say?
MR. WEAKWIT: A few words of moral indignation would be fitting.
MR. HARDCASE: Oh, I don't see any necessity for all that. I'll save my moral indignation for those who are truly worthy of it.
MR. WEAKWIT: I don't know who can be trusted anymore. It seems that fewer and fewer people are honest nowadays.
MR. HARDCASE: Yes, I suppose that's true, but one can hardly blame them for not being honest.
MR. WEAKWIT: What do you mean by that? Don't you regard honesty as a desirable quality?
MR. HARDCASE: No, I regard honesty as a tiresome habit that serves no purpose.
MR. WEAKWIT: Are you serious?
MR. HARDCASE: Yes, totally serious.
MR. WEAKWIT: I've never heard such talk!
MR. HARDCASE: No? Then it's high time that you did.
MR. WEAKWIT: Are you saying that you are not honest yourself?
MR.HARDCASE: Only on those rare occasions when I need to be. I avoid honesty as much as I can.
MR. WEAKWIT: Have you ever been an honest person?
MR. HARDCASE: Oh, I used to be honest after a fashion, when I was young and foolish, but I gave it up years ago.
MR. WEAKWIT: You gave up being honest?
MR. HARDCASE: Yes, I did, and I can tell you that I've never had any regrets. None at all. I've never missed being honest. In my opinion, being honest is a waste of time. An utter waste of time. You show me someone who is honest, and I'll show you someone who is wasting their time.
MR. WEAKWIT: What's wrong with being honest?
MR. HARDCASE: Well, it's entirely too easy, for one thing. There's no challenge in being honest. I like a challenge. Any fool can be honest, but it takes a special kind of talent to be corrupt. Honesty is for people who are too lazy to be dishonest.
MR. WEAKWIT: That's a peculiar way of looking at it.
MR. HARDCASE: I'll tell you something else, too. You'll never get ahead in this world with a policy of being honest. Honesty is a huge drawback, particularly in business and politics. Do you think that the people at the top of the big corporations got there by being honest? Or the people at the top of the government? Certainly not! They all got to the top in the same way, by being greedy, selfish, deceitful, ruthless, and generally nasty, not by being honest.
MR. WEAKWIT: Even the President of the United States?
MR. HARDCASE: Especially the President of the United States! No one, not even the Pope, ever succeeded by being honest. One must be completely rotten to get to the top of anything.
MR. WEAKWIT: I hate to admit it, but I suspect that you could be right for the most part, although I can't bring myself to say that I totally approve of your bitter outlook. I still want to believe that honesty counts for something in life.
MR. HARDCASE: That's because you're wishy-washy.
MR. WEAKWIT: Sir, I object to your tone! It's not necessary to be unkind.
MR. HARDCASE: I'm sorry, but that's how it is. I'm only stating what clearly needs to be stated. People who blithely express a childish belief in honesty, people such as yourself, tend to be wishy-washy. That's why they never get to the top.
MR. WEAKWIT: There must be more to life than merely getting to the top.
MR. HARDCASE: Then why does everyone want to get there?
MR. WEAKWIT: Are you willing to acknowledge the example of Jesus? You can't deny that he was an honest person.
MR. HARDCASE: Perhaps he was, but what good did it do him? None at all. Jesus got himself into a great deal of trouble with the authorities and ended up being alone. Even his closest friends abandoned him. His honesty got him nailed to a cross, and most of those who now claim to be his devout followers are the very sort of people who would gladly nail him to a cross again, if they ever had the chance. I would say that Jesus proves my argument. He was a perfect example of someone who was much too honest.
MR. WEAKWIT: You have an exceedingly dark perspective on things, don't you?
MR. HARDCASE: Call it what you will. I choose to believe that I am being clear-headed, seeing things as they are, rather than as people pretend them to be. If honesty is, as you say, a righteous element of the human character, then why does it usually result in such unhappiness for those who exemplify it?
MR. WEAKWIT: Am I to conclude, then, that you make no attempt to be honest in your regular activities?
MR. HARDCASE: Believe me, if honesty was rewarded, then I might consider being honest in all my actions, but as it is, I find it better not to try.
MR. WEAKWIT: Some people believe that honesty is its own reward.
MR. HARDCASE: Well, those people are thoroughly mistaken. I must presume that they prefer to live in a condition of poverty, because honesty will not buy food, and honesty will not pay any bills. Look around, and what do you see? Do you see millions of people being honest? No, you do not! We happen to live in a world that hates honesty, in spite of what is said to the contrary, and it is quite dangerous to imagine otherwise.
MR. WEAKWIT: The more I listen to your words, the more I fear that you are correct in your opinion.
MR. HARDCASE: Oh, I can assure you that I am quite correct.
MR. WEAKWIT: So, to sum up, the main gist of what you're saying is that honesty has no value at all?
MR. HARDCASE: Do you honestly want to hear the truth?
MR.WEAKWIT: No, I don't think so. I probably couldn't stand it.
MR. WEAKWIT: I see that another banker on Wall Street has been convicted of gross wrongdoing.
MR. HARDCASE: Another banker gone astray? That's the ninth one this week.
MR. WEAKWIT: Yes, it's most distressing.
MR. HARDCASE: Well, it's his own damned fault. Everyone knows that bankers need to be extremely careful with their wrongdoing. That fellow wasn't careful enough. He shouldn't have allowed himself to be caught.
MR. WEAKWIT: Is that all you have to say about it?
MR. HARDCASE: What else is there to say?
MR. WEAKWIT: A few words of moral indignation would be fitting.
MR. HARDCASE: Oh, I don't see any necessity for all that. I'll save my moral indignation for those who are truly worthy of it.
MR. WEAKWIT: I don't know who can be trusted anymore. It seems that fewer and fewer people are honest nowadays.
MR. HARDCASE: Yes, I suppose that's true, but one can hardly blame them for not being honest.
MR. WEAKWIT: What do you mean by that? Don't you regard honesty as a desirable quality?
MR. HARDCASE: No, I regard honesty as a tiresome habit that serves no purpose.
MR. WEAKWIT: Are you serious?
MR. HARDCASE: Yes, totally serious.
MR. WEAKWIT: I've never heard such talk!
MR. HARDCASE: No? Then it's high time that you did.
MR. WEAKWIT: Are you saying that you are not honest yourself?
MR.HARDCASE: Only on those rare occasions when I need to be. I avoid honesty as much as I can.
MR. WEAKWIT: Have you ever been an honest person?
MR. HARDCASE: Oh, I used to be honest after a fashion, when I was young and foolish, but I gave it up years ago.
MR. WEAKWIT: You gave up being honest?
MR. HARDCASE: Yes, I did, and I can tell you that I've never had any regrets. None at all. I've never missed being honest. In my opinion, being honest is a waste of time. An utter waste of time. You show me someone who is honest, and I'll show you someone who is wasting their time.
MR. WEAKWIT: What's wrong with being honest?
MR. HARDCASE: Well, it's entirely too easy, for one thing. There's no challenge in being honest. I like a challenge. Any fool can be honest, but it takes a special kind of talent to be corrupt. Honesty is for people who are too lazy to be dishonest.
MR. WEAKWIT: That's a peculiar way of looking at it.
MR. HARDCASE: I'll tell you something else, too. You'll never get ahead in this world with a policy of being honest. Honesty is a huge drawback, particularly in business and politics. Do you think that the people at the top of the big corporations got there by being honest? Or the people at the top of the government? Certainly not! They all got to the top in the same way, by being greedy, selfish, deceitful, ruthless, and generally nasty, not by being honest.
MR. WEAKWIT: Even the President of the United States?
MR. HARDCASE: Especially the President of the United States! No one, not even the Pope, ever succeeded by being honest. One must be completely rotten to get to the top of anything.
MR. WEAKWIT: I hate to admit it, but I suspect that you could be right for the most part, although I can't bring myself to say that I totally approve of your bitter outlook. I still want to believe that honesty counts for something in life.
MR. HARDCASE: That's because you're wishy-washy.
MR. WEAKWIT: Sir, I object to your tone! It's not necessary to be unkind.
MR. HARDCASE: I'm sorry, but that's how it is. I'm only stating what clearly needs to be stated. People who blithely express a childish belief in honesty, people such as yourself, tend to be wishy-washy. That's why they never get to the top.
MR. WEAKWIT: There must be more to life than merely getting to the top.
MR. HARDCASE: Then why does everyone want to get there?
MR. WEAKWIT: Are you willing to acknowledge the example of Jesus? You can't deny that he was an honest person.
MR. HARDCASE: Perhaps he was, but what good did it do him? None at all. Jesus got himself into a great deal of trouble with the authorities and ended up being alone. Even his closest friends abandoned him. His honesty got him nailed to a cross, and most of those who now claim to be his devout followers are the very sort of people who would gladly nail him to a cross again, if they ever had the chance. I would say that Jesus proves my argument. He was a perfect example of someone who was much too honest.
MR. WEAKWIT: You have an exceedingly dark perspective on things, don't you?
MR. HARDCASE: Call it what you will. I choose to believe that I am being clear-headed, seeing things as they are, rather than as people pretend them to be. If honesty is, as you say, a righteous element of the human character, then why does it usually result in such unhappiness for those who exemplify it?
MR. WEAKWIT: Am I to conclude, then, that you make no attempt to be honest in your regular activities?
MR. HARDCASE: Believe me, if honesty was rewarded, then I might consider being honest in all my actions, but as it is, I find it better not to try.
MR. WEAKWIT: Some people believe that honesty is its own reward.
MR. HARDCASE: Well, those people are thoroughly mistaken. I must presume that they prefer to live in a condition of poverty, because honesty will not buy food, and honesty will not pay any bills. Look around, and what do you see? Do you see millions of people being honest? No, you do not! We happen to live in a world that hates honesty, in spite of what is said to the contrary, and it is quite dangerous to imagine otherwise.
MR. WEAKWIT: The more I listen to your words, the more I fear that you are correct in your opinion.
MR. HARDCASE: Oh, I can assure you that I am quite correct.
MR. WEAKWIT: So, to sum up, the main gist of what you're saying is that honesty has no value at all?
MR. HARDCASE: Do you honestly want to hear the truth?
MR.WEAKWIT: No, I don't think so. I probably couldn't stand it.