The True Story of Mr. Excelsior Fancypants
Mr. Excelsior Fancypants was an extremely rich man who greatly enjoyed spending his money. Whenever he spent his money, however, he always spent it entirely on himself. He demanded the best of everything at all times, and spared no expense in fulfilling all his selfish desires. Only the most expensive goods, of the highest quality available, were acceptable to him. If something was not of the highest quality, he did not want it.
"I am rich, and quite frankly, I thoroughly enjoy being rich," Mr. Fancypants said to one his wealthy acquaintances. "I am aware that not everyone is as well-off as me, but I regard that as their problem, not mine. I am too busy being rich to worry about them."
Mr. Fancypants lived lavishly, in an enormous mansion with a dozen servants. He was unmarried, with no family and no close friends, but he did not care. His money meant far more to him than other people and their petty concerns. As long as Mr. Fancypants had plenty of money to spend on himself, he had no particular interest in anything else.
"It is all very well to be liked by other people, but in my experience, nothing compares with the joy of being rich," Mr. Fancypants frequently said. "I know, beyond doubt, that being rich is the only life for me."
Although Mr. Fancypants was far richer than anyone had a right to be, he always wanted to have even more money. He was thoroughly consumed with shameless greed. No matter how much money he had, it was not enough for him. He knew that he would never be completely happy until all the money in the world had found its way into his bank account.
"All I have ever wanted is to be the richest man in the history of the whole world," Mr. Fancypants said. "Is that too much for one man to ask?"
Mr. Fancypants pursued his covetous goal with single-minded dedication, wheeling and dealing with no remorse, and even, at times, engaging in a certain degree of outright larceny, until he finally was able to get his hands on nearly all the money in the world. He lacked only the trifling amount of three dollars and twenty-eight cents, a sum that belonged to Walter Glunkfester, a small boy who was carefully saving up his weekly allowance to buy an electric train set.
When Mr. Fancypants approached Walter Glunkfester and boldly demanded that he hand over his three dollars and twenty-eight cents, Walter refused, calmly but firmly, to surrender his money. He reckoned that Mr. Fancypants already had too much money and therefore did not need any more. As a result, Mr. Fancypants found that he had to settle for having slightly less than all the money in the world.
Mr. Fancypants was utterly aghast at this bitter outcome, and shed copious tears of profound dismay, wildly railing at what he regarded as the unfairness of his fate. He had failed to achieve his greedy ambition, but he was determined to continue with his self-centered life. He sought passing consolation by rashly spending $17,000,000 on himself in one day.
"I am rich, and quite frankly, I thoroughly enjoy being rich," Mr. Fancypants said to one his wealthy acquaintances. "I am aware that not everyone is as well-off as me, but I regard that as their problem, not mine. I am too busy being rich to worry about them."
Mr. Fancypants lived lavishly, in an enormous mansion with a dozen servants. He was unmarried, with no family and no close friends, but he did not care. His money meant far more to him than other people and their petty concerns. As long as Mr. Fancypants had plenty of money to spend on himself, he had no particular interest in anything else.
"It is all very well to be liked by other people, but in my experience, nothing compares with the joy of being rich," Mr. Fancypants frequently said. "I know, beyond doubt, that being rich is the only life for me."
Although Mr. Fancypants was far richer than anyone had a right to be, he always wanted to have even more money. He was thoroughly consumed with shameless greed. No matter how much money he had, it was not enough for him. He knew that he would never be completely happy until all the money in the world had found its way into his bank account.
"All I have ever wanted is to be the richest man in the history of the whole world," Mr. Fancypants said. "Is that too much for one man to ask?"
Mr. Fancypants pursued his covetous goal with single-minded dedication, wheeling and dealing with no remorse, and even, at times, engaging in a certain degree of outright larceny, until he finally was able to get his hands on nearly all the money in the world. He lacked only the trifling amount of three dollars and twenty-eight cents, a sum that belonged to Walter Glunkfester, a small boy who was carefully saving up his weekly allowance to buy an electric train set.
When Mr. Fancypants approached Walter Glunkfester and boldly demanded that he hand over his three dollars and twenty-eight cents, Walter refused, calmly but firmly, to surrender his money. He reckoned that Mr. Fancypants already had too much money and therefore did not need any more. As a result, Mr. Fancypants found that he had to settle for having slightly less than all the money in the world.
Mr. Fancypants was utterly aghast at this bitter outcome, and shed copious tears of profound dismay, wildly railing at what he regarded as the unfairness of his fate. He had failed to achieve his greedy ambition, but he was determined to continue with his self-centered life. He sought passing consolation by rashly spending $17,000,000 on himself in one day.