A Conversation with Myself
ME: Hello, myself. Or should I say, "self that is mine"?
MYSELF: I think "myself" will do nicely.
ME: So, how are you?
MYSELF: Oh, I can't complain. How about you?
ME: Fine, thank you. What have you been doing lately?
MYSELF: Oh, a little bit of this and a little bit of that.
ME: Which would you say is the most enjoyable to you, "this" or "that"?
MYSELF: Well, it all depends on my mood, of course, but doing "that" is usually more enjoyable to me than doing "this."
ME: How interesting! However, if one was inspired to take a formidable step beyond the restrictive confines of the particular question at hand, and subsequently endeavored to assume a more broadly metaphysical view, one might be strongly inclined to regard both "this" and "that" as being merely different ways of giving casual expression to the same worldly delusion.
MYSELF: Yes, one might, if one wanted to be a pompous twit.
ME: Are you saying that I am a pompous twit?
MYSELF: If the shoe fits, wear it.
ME: What a bloody nerve!
MYSELF: Well, are you saying that you are not a pompous twit?
ME: I refuse to dignify that question with an answer.
MYSELF: Tell me, do you ever get tired of being so high and mighty?
ME: I'm not answering that question, either.
MYSELF: There's no need to be so cross. After all, you started it.
ME: No, I didn't. You started it.
MYSELF: No, it was you who started it, when you used all those fancy words.
ME: I was merely making an attempt to elevate the tone of our discussion. It may come as a surprise to someone as intellectually slothful as yourself, but some of us do strive to attain a higher mentality.
MYSELF: Well, some of us do not.
ME: That is quite apparent.
MYSELF: What you see is what you get.
ME: You know, even if one chooses to be a dolt, as you so clearly do, there's no need to be impudent about it.
MYSELF: There are times when being impudent is the best response.
ME: If your goal is to be impudent, then I would say that you have succeeded.
MYSELF: Why, thank you.
ME: You come across as being an extremely small-minded person.
MYSELF: Do I?
ME: Yes, you do. Extremely small-minded.
MYSELF: Well, that can't be helped. A small mind is better than no mind at all.
ME: Are you implying that I have no mind?
MYSELF: I'm not implying anything. I'm saying it outright: you have no mind.
ME: How dare you say that! I most certainly do have a mind!
MYSELF: Well, if you do, you must be keeping it hidden.
ME: I think it is beyond dispute that I possess a rather formidable mind.
MYSELF: Spouting a lot of half-baked rubbish is not the same as having a mind, not the same at all. To my mind, what you are is mindless.
ME: You fancy yourself to be something of a wit, don't you?
MYSELF: I suppose it is true that I fancy myself, but I shall leave it to others to judge my ability as a wit.
ME: That's all very well, but must you be so thoroughly disagreeable?
MYSELF: No, I don't suppose it's absolutely necessary for me to be disagreeable, but it's more fun that way.
ME: Oh, I see. To you, being disagreeable is "more fun."
MYSELF: A lot more fun.
ME: How utterly childish!
MYSELF: Better to be childish, utterly or otherwise, than to be a pompous twit.
ME: That's quite enough from you!
MYSELF: Is it?
ME: Yes, it certainly is!
MYSELF: Oh, good. I was worried that it might not be nearly enough.
ME: I'm not going to stand here and take this sort of abuse!
MYSELF: I can get you a chair, if you'd rather sit down.
ME: No, thank you, that won't be necessary.
MYSELF: Please yourself.
ME: This is a waste of my time. I've got better things to do.
MYSELF: Have you?
ME: Yes, if you must know.
MYSELF: What sort of things?
ME: Things that are none of your business. Things that require the ability to consider the world in a serious manner. Things that would not be of the slightest interest to someone of a small-minded disposition.
MYSELF: Someone, meaning me?
ME: Yes. Someone, meaning you.
MYSELF: It's not as if I actually care.
ME: Whether you care or not, is of no concern to me.
MYSELF: You just can't help being a pompous twit, can you?
ME: You said it again. That's it. I'm leaving.
MYSELF: So soon?
ME: Yes, and don't imagine for one moment that you can stop me.
MYSELF: I wouldn't even imagine it for less than one moment.
ME: Nothing can prevent me from making a quick departure!
MYSELF: If you must, you must.
ME: I mean it!
MYSELF: Yes, you certainly appear to mean it.
ME: I'm determined to go!
MYSELF: That would appear to be true.
ME: Once I'm determined, I always follow through!
MYSELF: Always? How impressive!
ME: I'm going!
MYSELF: Oh, are you still here?
ME: Goodbye!
MYSELF: Don't slam the door when you go!
ME: I won't!
MYSELF: Such an excitable fellow. He needs to take a deep breath and calm down.
ME: I heard that!
MYSELF: I think "myself" will do nicely.
ME: So, how are you?
MYSELF: Oh, I can't complain. How about you?
ME: Fine, thank you. What have you been doing lately?
MYSELF: Oh, a little bit of this and a little bit of that.
ME: Which would you say is the most enjoyable to you, "this" or "that"?
MYSELF: Well, it all depends on my mood, of course, but doing "that" is usually more enjoyable to me than doing "this."
ME: How interesting! However, if one was inspired to take a formidable step beyond the restrictive confines of the particular question at hand, and subsequently endeavored to assume a more broadly metaphysical view, one might be strongly inclined to regard both "this" and "that" as being merely different ways of giving casual expression to the same worldly delusion.
MYSELF: Yes, one might, if one wanted to be a pompous twit.
ME: Are you saying that I am a pompous twit?
MYSELF: If the shoe fits, wear it.
ME: What a bloody nerve!
MYSELF: Well, are you saying that you are not a pompous twit?
ME: I refuse to dignify that question with an answer.
MYSELF: Tell me, do you ever get tired of being so high and mighty?
ME: I'm not answering that question, either.
MYSELF: There's no need to be so cross. After all, you started it.
ME: No, I didn't. You started it.
MYSELF: No, it was you who started it, when you used all those fancy words.
ME: I was merely making an attempt to elevate the tone of our discussion. It may come as a surprise to someone as intellectually slothful as yourself, but some of us do strive to attain a higher mentality.
MYSELF: Well, some of us do not.
ME: That is quite apparent.
MYSELF: What you see is what you get.
ME: You know, even if one chooses to be a dolt, as you so clearly do, there's no need to be impudent about it.
MYSELF: There are times when being impudent is the best response.
ME: If your goal is to be impudent, then I would say that you have succeeded.
MYSELF: Why, thank you.
ME: You come across as being an extremely small-minded person.
MYSELF: Do I?
ME: Yes, you do. Extremely small-minded.
MYSELF: Well, that can't be helped. A small mind is better than no mind at all.
ME: Are you implying that I have no mind?
MYSELF: I'm not implying anything. I'm saying it outright: you have no mind.
ME: How dare you say that! I most certainly do have a mind!
MYSELF: Well, if you do, you must be keeping it hidden.
ME: I think it is beyond dispute that I possess a rather formidable mind.
MYSELF: Spouting a lot of half-baked rubbish is not the same as having a mind, not the same at all. To my mind, what you are is mindless.
ME: You fancy yourself to be something of a wit, don't you?
MYSELF: I suppose it is true that I fancy myself, but I shall leave it to others to judge my ability as a wit.
ME: That's all very well, but must you be so thoroughly disagreeable?
MYSELF: No, I don't suppose it's absolutely necessary for me to be disagreeable, but it's more fun that way.
ME: Oh, I see. To you, being disagreeable is "more fun."
MYSELF: A lot more fun.
ME: How utterly childish!
MYSELF: Better to be childish, utterly or otherwise, than to be a pompous twit.
ME: That's quite enough from you!
MYSELF: Is it?
ME: Yes, it certainly is!
MYSELF: Oh, good. I was worried that it might not be nearly enough.
ME: I'm not going to stand here and take this sort of abuse!
MYSELF: I can get you a chair, if you'd rather sit down.
ME: No, thank you, that won't be necessary.
MYSELF: Please yourself.
ME: This is a waste of my time. I've got better things to do.
MYSELF: Have you?
ME: Yes, if you must know.
MYSELF: What sort of things?
ME: Things that are none of your business. Things that require the ability to consider the world in a serious manner. Things that would not be of the slightest interest to someone of a small-minded disposition.
MYSELF: Someone, meaning me?
ME: Yes. Someone, meaning you.
MYSELF: It's not as if I actually care.
ME: Whether you care or not, is of no concern to me.
MYSELF: You just can't help being a pompous twit, can you?
ME: You said it again. That's it. I'm leaving.
MYSELF: So soon?
ME: Yes, and don't imagine for one moment that you can stop me.
MYSELF: I wouldn't even imagine it for less than one moment.
ME: Nothing can prevent me from making a quick departure!
MYSELF: If you must, you must.
ME: I mean it!
MYSELF: Yes, you certainly appear to mean it.
ME: I'm determined to go!
MYSELF: That would appear to be true.
ME: Once I'm determined, I always follow through!
MYSELF: Always? How impressive!
ME: I'm going!
MYSELF: Oh, are you still here?
ME: Goodbye!
MYSELF: Don't slam the door when you go!
ME: I won't!
MYSELF: Such an excitable fellow. He needs to take a deep breath and calm down.
ME: I heard that!