Horace Mithers Turns into a Weird Person

It is difficult to state, with any degree of certainty, when it was that Horace Mithers first began to turn into a weird person. All that can be stated, with full certainty, is that he did, indeed, fall into what could only be regarded as a pronounced condition of exceeding weirdness.

Those who knew Horace were forced to take notice of his weirdness when, out of the blue, he suddenly declared that he was the President of the United States. Because Horace had never shown any interest in being a leader, and had never chosen to put his name forward in any election, this came as a distinct surprise.

"Did you vote for me?" Horace asked his friend, Dexter Frimboon. "If you did, I want to thank you for helping me to become the President of the United States."

"No, I did not vote for you, and you are not the President of the United States," Dexter said.

"I’m not?" Horace asked.

"No," Dexter replied.

"Am I the Vice President?" Horace asked.

"No," Dexter replied.

"Secretary of State?" Horace asked.

"No," Dexter replied.

"Deputy Secretary of State?" Horace asked.

"No," Dexter replied.

"Under Secretary of State for Public Diplomacy and Public Affairs?" Horace asked.

"No," Dexter replied.

Next, Horace declared that he was Leonardo da Vinci. Dexter, who knew that Horace had never put brush to canvas in his life, tried to be patient with him.

"No, you are not Leonardo da Vinci," Dexter said.

"Am I Vincent van Gogh?" Horace asked.

"No," Dexter replied.

"Pablo Picasso?" Horace asked.

"No," Dexter replied.

"Norman Rockwell?" Horace asked.

"No," Dexter replied.

"Andy Warhol?" Horace asked.

"No," Dexter replied.

Later, Horace declared that he was a head of cabbage. Dexter, whose forbearance was deep, but not infinite, now started to lose his patience.

"No, you are not a head of cabbage,"Dexter said, trying to hide his annoyance.

"Am I a head of lettuce?" Horace asked.

"No," Dexter replied.

"A sprig of parsley?" Horace asked.

"No," Dexter replied.

"A cucumber?" Horace asked.

"No," Dexter replied.

"A parsnip?" Horace asked.

"No," Dexter replied.

Horace continued in his weird behavior for a long while, always claiming to be someone, or something, other than himself. He also found time to carry out small acts of kindness toward old people, children, and animals, which actually was not weird at all.