How Difficult It Is to Be Extremely Handsome!
Ralph Bupler is my name (otherwise known, to my family and friends, as "Adonis"), and I must confess to being an extremely handsome man. Now, I can imagine what you probably are thinking: "Does this fellow have no humility at all?" Humility certainly is a virtue, something to be earnestly desired in any upstanding person, and I do strive to be reasonably humble in my own fashion, but the truth must be acknowledged as the truth, even if it lacks humility, and the unavoidable truth is that I am extremely handsome.
Because I have been handsome from the moment of my birth, my entire life has been a long struggle with the damnable quality of handsomeness. Even when I was quite young, before I began to walk or talk, little girls were shamelessly making eyes at me. When I was old enough to go to school, my distressing plight became even worse. Every girl in the school was determined to be my girlfriend. I used to watch them, from an advisable distance, as they fought with one another for the chance to carry my books home at the end of the day.
During my years in high school, I continued to be in high demand among the females of my acquaintance, to such an unwieldy extent that it frequently kept me from doing my schoolwork. I found it necessary to go steady with no fewer than twenty girls at a time. It was, in many ways, an enjoyable life for a young man, but also something of an ongoing challenge, requiring great endurance on my part. I sometimes had reason to believe, when I had to go out with more than five girls in one evening, that my manly appeal was being spread too thin.
When I finished with school and ventured into the outer world, the essential pattern of my life remained the same. In the past thirty years, I have been married, and divorced, forty-three times. Each of my marriages has, out of necessity, been an exceedingly brief union. Every woman who crosses my path soon makes it clear that she wants me to be her own, and I am compelled to oblige in nearly every instance, which tends to sharply lessen the likelihood of maintaining a lasting marriage to any particular woman.
How difficult it is to be extremely handsome! Being a handsome man is as much a curse as a blessing, but I have learned, through the ordeal of hard experience, to accept my unusual condition in life. Wherever I am, every mirror offers a reflection that readily testifies to my extreme handsomeness. I have come to think of it as a calling, bestowed on me for a purpose that is beyond my understanding, and regardless of how trying I find it to be, I am wholeheartedly dedicated to sharing my abundance of good looks with one and all.
Because I have been handsome from the moment of my birth, my entire life has been a long struggle with the damnable quality of handsomeness. Even when I was quite young, before I began to walk or talk, little girls were shamelessly making eyes at me. When I was old enough to go to school, my distressing plight became even worse. Every girl in the school was determined to be my girlfriend. I used to watch them, from an advisable distance, as they fought with one another for the chance to carry my books home at the end of the day.
During my years in high school, I continued to be in high demand among the females of my acquaintance, to such an unwieldy extent that it frequently kept me from doing my schoolwork. I found it necessary to go steady with no fewer than twenty girls at a time. It was, in many ways, an enjoyable life for a young man, but also something of an ongoing challenge, requiring great endurance on my part. I sometimes had reason to believe, when I had to go out with more than five girls in one evening, that my manly appeal was being spread too thin.
When I finished with school and ventured into the outer world, the essential pattern of my life remained the same. In the past thirty years, I have been married, and divorced, forty-three times. Each of my marriages has, out of necessity, been an exceedingly brief union. Every woman who crosses my path soon makes it clear that she wants me to be her own, and I am compelled to oblige in nearly every instance, which tends to sharply lessen the likelihood of maintaining a lasting marriage to any particular woman.
How difficult it is to be extremely handsome! Being a handsome man is as much a curse as a blessing, but I have learned, through the ordeal of hard experience, to accept my unusual condition in life. Wherever I am, every mirror offers a reflection that readily testifies to my extreme handsomeness. I have come to think of it as a calling, bestowed on me for a purpose that is beyond my understanding, and regardless of how trying I find it to be, I am wholeheartedly dedicated to sharing my abundance of good looks with one and all.