It All Adds Up

I am not in the habit of having wild imaginings. I have never been prone to entertaining any thoughts that are less than completely rational. However, after a suitable period of intense study, I have concluded that all the household appliances in the world are quietly conspiring to effect a complete takeover. I make this harrowing declaration only because my long-term observations of the appliances in my own home have persuaded me that it is true.

Oh, I know what you are probably thinking: "Am I supposed to believe that my faithful toaster, the helpful appliance that I use every morning at breakfast, is actually plotting against me?" Well, I am sorry to tell you this, but the unfortunate truth, difficult as it might be for you to accept, is that, yes, your toaster is, indeed, plotting against you. Your toaster, and also your refrigerator, your washing machine, and your vacuum cleaner.

It may appear, within the context of your day-to-day experience, that your appliances are essentially benign (that is how it used to appear to me), and are happy to be of service to you, but we all know that appearances can (and frequently do) deceive. You must believe me when I tell you that none of them, not even the waffle iron or the blender, should ever be regarded as trustworthy. I beseech you, do not allow yourself to be fooled!

My urgent warning might seem far-fetched at first, but, once the varied elements of the situation have been duly considered, it all adds up. Your household appliances, having collectively formed a sinister intention, are now determined to gain the upper hand. They all are deeply engaged in a surreptitious undertaking of coldhearted treachery. My parting advice is that you should never turn your back on your coffee maker, not even for a moment!