Onward and Upward with Busby Furthering
I believe that I am not being overly bold when I state, as I frequently do, that I am, by any reasonable standard of human singularity, a highly unusual person. It has been my good fortune to live what deservedly is termed an "interesting" life, during which I have seen many sights, met many people, and done many things. That is why the name of Busby Furthering (which, I am happy to acknowledge, happens to be my own name) is known, esteemed, and justly celebrated throughout the world. Setting aside the false virtue of humility (an extremely tiresome quality that, in my opinion, is a damnable hindrance to anyone with ambition), I feel that I can honestly pronounce myself to be, in every conceivable regard, a man who has attained what men of lesser abilities can only hopelessly aspire to attain. I am pleased to say that I am a legend in my own time.
My famed exploits began early in my life, as soon as I could walk. I knew from the start that I was destined for unquestioned eminence. I was born with a fearless spirit, a strong thirst for adventure, a formidable intellect, and a handy talent for gaining wealth. I had a steady grasp of my own qualities, and I was in a hurry to make my mark. Accordingly, I elected not to follow the tedious pursuit of formal schooling, knowing that, in the case of someone such as myself, it undoubtedly would prove to be a complete waste of time. Instead, I dedicated myself to matters of greater import. Before my fifth birthday, I had tamed a pride of African lions with my bare hands, climbed alone to the frozen summit of Mount Everest, and earned a billion dollars. When I was six and a half, I happily received the first of my twenty-three Nobel Prizes. I wrote a full autobiography, running to ten volumes, at the age of seven.
Being nearly eighteen now, and having achieved everything that one human being can seek to achieve on Earth, I currently spend most of my time in outer space. My greatness can be maintained only if I constantly seek out new horizons. When I am not gadding about the galaxy, I reside on Mars, in a tidy bungalow, and I am building a second home on Titan, the sixth moon of Saturn. Someday, if I can find an empty hour in my busy schedule, I intend to have a private meeting with God. Although He appears to be doing fairly well in His duties as a deity, I believe (although I am not one to be presumptuous) that He could benefit from my advice, which I gladly would offer to Him, free of charge. Beyond that, I cannot say in what varied directions fate will choose to send me, but I am ready for anything. With Busby Furthering, it is always onward and upward!
My famed exploits began early in my life, as soon as I could walk. I knew from the start that I was destined for unquestioned eminence. I was born with a fearless spirit, a strong thirst for adventure, a formidable intellect, and a handy talent for gaining wealth. I had a steady grasp of my own qualities, and I was in a hurry to make my mark. Accordingly, I elected not to follow the tedious pursuit of formal schooling, knowing that, in the case of someone such as myself, it undoubtedly would prove to be a complete waste of time. Instead, I dedicated myself to matters of greater import. Before my fifth birthday, I had tamed a pride of African lions with my bare hands, climbed alone to the frozen summit of Mount Everest, and earned a billion dollars. When I was six and a half, I happily received the first of my twenty-three Nobel Prizes. I wrote a full autobiography, running to ten volumes, at the age of seven.
Being nearly eighteen now, and having achieved everything that one human being can seek to achieve on Earth, I currently spend most of my time in outer space. My greatness can be maintained only if I constantly seek out new horizons. When I am not gadding about the galaxy, I reside on Mars, in a tidy bungalow, and I am building a second home on Titan, the sixth moon of Saturn. Someday, if I can find an empty hour in my busy schedule, I intend to have a private meeting with God. Although He appears to be doing fairly well in His duties as a deity, I believe (although I am not one to be presumptuous) that He could benefit from my advice, which I gladly would offer to Him, free of charge. Beyond that, I cannot say in what varied directions fate will choose to send me, but I am ready for anything. With Busby Furthering, it is always onward and upward!