The Revolution Should Probably Commence Fairly Soon, If That Is Entirely Agreeable to Everyone

Orville Shrugley, a fainthearted rebel, delivers a fainthearted exhortation to his equally fainthearted followers.

Comrades, as your chosen leader, I must speak to you, if I may, of weighty matters (in other words, matters that are filled with a pronounced degree of weight) that sorely demand (if "demand" is not expressing it too strongly) to be conveyed in suitable words of a selfsame weightiness. (Or, at least, in words that come pretty close, in their own unassuming way, to giving what might be regarded, under current conditions, as a duly acceptable impression of weightiness.) In any case, brothers and sisters, I must speak to you.

For a long time (one could even describe it, with absolute truthfulness, as an "extended period"), we all have been talking (some of us more than others, it must be admitted) among ourselves (and, in a few instances, to ourselves) about the apparent necessity of taking a small measure of action in regard to those things which appear (on first glance) to require the likelihood that some form of action be taken. It is good that we have been talking in this manner for a long time, because it means that we cannot be accused of being either hasty or careless in our painstaking deliberations, or in our final decision to take action. (That is, if we do decide to take action.)

We must begin to start moving forward (rather than backward or sideways), toward the first beginnings of our future endeavor, before the structure of our collective frame of mind weakens (more than it already has), and before we totally forget what we imagine that we are intending to do. (Whatever it happens to be.) We must spinelessly dedicate ourselves (if, indeed, "dedicate" is the proper term, and I am not quite certain that it is) to the heedful spirit of timorous insurrection. Above all, we must be slightly determined as we earnestly apply our unsteady minds to the ill-defined goal of being somewhat bold in our approach. We must stop at nothing. (Or we must stop at something, if that seems more advisable.) We must stand together, and be fully united, but not too closely.

Comrades of temperate resistance, I believe that the approximate time for our meek attempt at lukewarm rebellion is nearly at hand! Our mild moment of questionable glory has almost arrived! The revolution should probably commence fairly soon, if that is entirely agreeable to everyone (and, of course, if the weather turns out to be reasonably favorable to the pursuit of such a feeble undertaking). Otherwise, we could put the whole thing off for now, and wait until next week, or next month, or next year. (Actually, if no one is particularly interested in fomenting a revolution, perhaps we should cancel the whole thing and have a friendly game of Monopoly instead.)